I am on disability for a very serious brain disease.(schizophrenia) In the past I did not want to claim it and received unemployment benefits and tried to work. I have only had a few jobs. I have studied and completed a degree. I will tell you all the things I do when I am working. My co-workers think I am so stupid and I am starting to think I am.
At the last job I had
I forgot little everyday things (due to my disability)
I could not get myself to move fast enough (due to the weight gain caused by the medications)
I made too many mistakes
I dealt with a bullying co worker who asked me stupid questions such as can I read and would not really help me.
She was nasty when I forgot little things.
I got fired after three weeks. Also, on the second and third day I could not find the sign off sheet where you write your hours down and it was right before my eyes and in the same place all along. Sometimes my brain takes a while to register and the boss said “Green sheets of paper” very nastily.
The job I had before that I was so nervous and I was so slow moving and could not remember how to make boxes and mainly I was too slow. The workers and boss gave me a chance and I improved and I was increased to full pay before they shut down.
The job before that was in office work and I did not really have a lot of tasks to do . They said it was too slow and not picking up (the work – no customers) Also I overheard the boss lady said I was absolutely slack and I sat in the office all day.
The job before that I was so nervous and could not really approach clients and froze talking to them and made mistakes.
The job training as part of my degree before that I was nervous on the phone and talking in meetings, did not take enough initiative, did not process information or talk in a clear or effective way to my supervisors. I was very nervous and this affected my whole functioning (again part of my condition)
Despite all this, they were amazed at the efforts I made to try and achieve and all these places said that I tried my very best and were astounded as they had never seen a person try so hard before.
My question is: How do I work for myself? I know my strengths so what kind of boss would I make if I can pace myself and I will be my own boss. I was thinking of writing, doing a hobby course or doing a photography site where I sell photos online. What else can I do?
I know not many people with my condition come as far as I have and that these people who say I am stupid don’t understand or even know of my condition. Please help.