I’m off of my Welbutrin XL until the manufacturer feels like sending me my refill since I can’t afford to pay for my medication… I’m still on the Effexor XR because Wyeth isn’t a horrible company and informs you BEFORE you run out of medication that your program is about to expire… But the Welbutrin XL is what keeps my panic attacks at bay…
I have Alprazolam for the “Emergency” moments but I don’t want to have to rely upon that to get me through the day… The Tolerance for it goes up way too fast…
I’ve had to use half of a 0.5mg pill every day for the last week just to be able to open the mail…
Right now I’m waiting for the pill to kick in so I can go online and check the bank account balance because we had a check bounce and that isn’t possible because I made sure to double check on Friday when I gave the check out that there were more then ample funds to cover the amount of the check…
Even when I’m on the Welbutrin XL… The panic attacks have been hitting more and more often…
It USED to be the depression that would get me… That “I can’t even get out of bed, I’m exhausted all the time” crap that made it so that I just didn’t CARE about anything… But the Effexor XR seems to be taking care of that to a greater or lesser degree because I’ve been able to at least COPE with the break through symptoms but now… I heard a tone in my father’s voice this morning through the wall and that was all it took to set off a panic attack…
I had been laying in bed watching a silly TV show and that tone came through the wall… I couldn’t hear what he said, just a tone of voice… and I just stopped and my chest tightened and that ‘cold’ feeling went down my back and tears welled up in my eyes…
Up until that moment I had hoped and truly believed that I could make it ONE DAY without having to use my ‘emergency medication’.
I’m ALWAYS on edge… I’m ALWAYS on the verge of freaking the fu*k out…
If it isn’t for the Valerian Root and the “Sleep II” OTC Sleep Aids, I can’t sleep either… I keep waking up with “Guilt Attacks” and panic attacks caused by DREAMS…
I’ve been barely making it through life… I know that some day this illness will cause me to end my life at my own hands…
I’m in the United States and have been told that I can’t get aid because too much of my life and problems were diagnosed in Arizona and I now live in Illinois… So they won’t help me…
I don’t know what to do…
I really just can’t stop thinking about suicide though I know I don’t have the guts to go through with it… It seems like such a simple solution to this complicated problem. But again, I’m WAY too much of a pansy to attempt suicide again… I’m half way convinced that I’m immortal since all the other times I have tried have found me waking up the next morning as if nothing had happened…
I just don’t know what to do anymore…
Have you ever seen a psychiatrist for this? You should be seeing one weekly. Seems like YOU’RE letting the disease run your life…. what you need to do is simple… take control of your own life. Gain confidence, look forward to going out, tell yourself you wont need an emergency pill today, tell yourself you wont have an attack today…. a lot of this is in your mind hun…. I’ve been through what you’re feeling and nothing helped but my own wanting to get better, not feel like this and live a “normal” life…and i’m getting there, little by little. I know you can do it too.